Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor by Sylvia Ann Hewlett (highlights)


“This is a breakthrough book. Sylvia Ann Hewlett is challenging the entrenched orthodoxy that still prevents women and minority talent from scaling the heights. She argues convincingly that progress is more often a product of partnership than a solo success and tells us exactly how to make it happen. This study assembles hard evidence, compelling stories, and persuasive analysis and is invaluable to anyone who wants to get beyond ‘do-gooding’ to get the most of their diverse talent.”

–Trevor Phillips, former Chair, UK Equality and Human Rights Commission

“A powerful and urgent book. Sylvia Ann Hewlett demonstrates the heft of sponsors and shows how women and people of color can win sponsorship and take their place at decision-making tables. Heterogeneity at the top is not fair, it unleashes creativity and the ‘power of difference.'”

–Cornet West, Professor of Philosophy and Christian Practice,

Union Theological Seminary

Sylvia’s Story

Raised up by a working-class father, in the 1960s in Britain where unemployment rate was at 28 percent, Sylvia went to a third-rate school, in which she had no hope on being admitted into her dream college. However, from her father’s unwitting encouragement, his contagious belief in hard work, she got herself into Oxbridge. While years in her studies at the school, her english professor, Miss Gwen Jones, helped her with her heart and soul in perfecting her writing, which in the got her admitted into Cambridge university.

During her years at Cambridge, she was under the wing of a remarkable economist, Dr. Jean Grove, who chose Sylvia as her research assistant and invited her to accompany her on a research trip to Africa. Then, after she earned her PhD at Harvard and London University, graciously landed a first job as an assistant professor at Girton College, Columbia University where she did extraordinary well and was confident that she will be promoted.

In retrospect, only after when she lost her job did she realized that her hard work only was not enough to support her in climbing the career ladder. She realized that what she lacked was a sponsor, even though she was an expert at friendships and had a lot of mentors who had boosted her confidence during the time. Without a sponsor having her back, she was invincible to the committees of the University, no one knew of her when it comes to offering tenure.

The lost was eye-opening that she set out and searched for what she needed, and that’s when it comes to her that she actually knew someone who could help her out on this front, who was her colleague. She turned up at his office and asked him to help her find a job. AND THAT’S HOW SHE GOT ONE!


“Mentors matter, but they’re not your ticket to the top.”

If you’re interested in fast-tracking your career, in getting that hot assignment, you need sponsors, in particular, you need people who:

  • Believe in you and your potential, and will go out of their way on your behalf
  • Are influential, who would help you get a pay raise or a promotion when you deserve it
  • Will give you air cover so that you can take risk. Making it safe for you to fail.

Mentorship versus Sponsorship

Mentors: Take interest in you because they like you, will listen to your issues offer advice and review which problem-solving can taken or discarded. Mentors expect very little in return. The energy is flowing one way: toward you.

Sponsors: Take interest in you and your career, they see helping you as an investment to further their own career, organization or vision. Would advice and develop you into a leader. In contrast, they expect a great deal from you (excellent performance and loyalty) Your role is to earn their investment in you. Throughout the relationship, you’re delivering outstanding results, building their brand or legacy, and generally make them look good. Sponsorship, done right, is transactional. It ensures you get what you worked for and deserve.

Sponsors can be role models but they don’t have to be.

What’s important in sponsorship is trust, not inspiration. You don’t have to like or want to be like your sponsor. In sponsorship, each party gains from helping each other.

With that in mind, supporters are not to be kicked to the curb either. Role models inspire and drive you to shape your ambition. Mentors help you find yourself and suggest what step will get you there. A good mentor will decode the unwritten rules, demystify the way things work, and offer you tips on navigating the organization. But, despite their attention and guidance, neither mentors nor role models can give you real career traction.

What gives credit to sponsors is how they affect three things:

  • Pay raises
  • High-profile assignments
  • Promotions

Sponsorship is the mechanism by which people of vision obtain their goals, which is why no one make or female, millennial or boomer, start-up employee or multi-national manager– can afford to dismiss it or miss out on it.

What a sponsor does:

On top of delivering high-octane advocacy, a sponsor is a senior leader who, at a minimum:

  • Believes in you and go out on a limb on your behalf
  • Advocates for your next promotion
  • Provides “air cover” so you can take risks

And comes through on at least two of the following fronts:

  • Expands your perception of what you can do
  • Makes connections to senior leader
  • Promotes your visibility
  • Provides stretch opportunities
  • Gives advice on “presentation of self”
  • Makes connections to clients/customers
  • Gives honest/critical feedback on skill gaps

They will get you in front of directors to audition for a key role. They would also nudge the director to choose you. But their investments in you don’t stop there. They will coach you on your performance so that you prove to others what an excellent choice they made. They will make you the center of attention of everyone in the room, so that you can showcase your talents. Should the others turn against you, your sponsors will have your back, as their reputation is now linked with you, it is in their best interest to make sure you reach your goal.

It is recommended you know that the feedback provided from sponsors are not as kind as the ones from mentors. It is to steer you toward a targeted trajectory, when they discuss your strengths and weaknesses. They will point out, regardless on how you receive it, your shortcomings, failures and things that you need to work on.

You’re an extension of them, they have to keep you on track. Only by seeing you finish the line can they protect their own reputation.

What a protégé does:

What protégés do, in a word, is DELIVER.

They come through with both stellar performance and die-hard loyalty. Star performers are very likely to attract sponsors, and loyal performers are very likely to keep them.

Nevertheless, they need to distiguish themselves from the other, less they want to run the risk of becoming permanently second, lieutenants who never make captain.

To be at the top of the ladder, protégés must have the skillset that leaders reward for, but lack: gender smarts or cultural fluency on a team that lacks diversity; quantitative skills or technical savvy on a team that is deficient in hard expertise; people skills on a team, whatever you have.

A protégé is a high-potential employee who, at a minimum:

  • Outperforms – contributes 110%
  • Is loyal to the sponsor and organization
  • Contributes a distinct personal brand

And comes through on at least two of the following fronts:

  • Is trustworthy and discreet
  • Covers the sponsor’s back
  • Promotes his/her legacy
  • Brings “value added”- different perspective/ skill sets
  • Leads with a yes
  • Burnishes his/her brand across the organization
  • Builds an A team

In this sense, loyalty also means looking out for your sponsor as protectively as your sponsor looks out for you. Protégés can provide insights about what’s happening lower down in the or, because when you’re at a senior level, you’re less likely to get those messages about what people think of you and your strategy. They make sure you’re never blindsided. Just as your sponsor is whom who support you when you’re not in the room so you must you prefect him or her from employees’ gossip from harsh outsider opinion even from collegial criticism.

A loyal comrade-in-arms who, if your turn your back, guns for you, not at you.




1. Build the castle first:

Have a vision, a clear picture of your career destination. The majesty and beauty of this vision works wonders enhancing your performance. A vision is so powerful that people will work miracles to bring it to life.

Reaching a career goal is nothing easy. You need a vision that inspires you.

Design your own castle by considering the following questions:

  • What place would feel magical? What kind of room or space do you want to inhibit? What is the view when you look out the window?
  • Whom do you want to meet with? Who intrigues you or excites you? What sort of convo do you wish you could have with them?
  • What transformation do you most want to drive? What sort of large-scale change do you wish you could be part of?


  • Look for role models. Read about people whose achievement inspire you. Put them in your sight.
  • Envisage yourself at age fifty with twenty five productive years ahead of you . its never too lated to focus on a goal and go after it.
  • Consult with a mentor, role model, or personal development coach who can help you see the big picture. Brainstorm a professional target list. Write down your aspirations, however modest or fabulous and figure out how to hold yourself accountable.


2. Do A Diagnostic:

Catalog your skills.

Restrain yourself from catalogging the skills you don’t have. Be truthful, be real. It’s essential you answer the following questions:

  • What do you do exceptionally well?
  • What is your currency, what sets you apart?
  • What experiences distinguish you?
  • What inherent or acquired difference brand or value added that others may not bring to the table?
  • Or what accomplishment has given you joy ? What gives you satisfaction so you want to do more of it?
  • How does the mission or mandate or your organization overlap with your own values and goals?

With this self assessment, your mentor can help you with this. Classes, seminars or lectures are other good opportunities to hold a mirror to yourself or discover what you didn’t know what you abilities.

3. Scan the Horizon for Potential Sponsors

Once you spot your potential sponsor who qualifies with the points above. Share with him/her the long-range plan, sketch it out for him, and proposed a quid pro quo.

Don’t approach your sponsor with, ‘Oh, would you sponsor me,’ but more along the lines of, ‘if i turn down these options and do a great job for you on your project, would you commit to helping me?

4. Turbocharging Support Into Sponsorship

Some supporters, including mentors can be converted into effective sponsors. It’s a matter of taking an existing relationship and making it instrumental.

Start by identifying would-be sponsors among your supporters. Good bets will be leaders who:

  • Are already aware of your skills and strengths
  • Stand to benefit from your help and
  • Have the clout to move you toward your goal, what ever that may be. Consider who knows you and knows of your work, or has heard about you and your work.

Consider not whom you report to, but whom your boss reports to. In a large organization, look for someone two bandwidths away. Seize on some someone who’s go the principal’s ear but doesn’t stand between you and your goal.

What transform a supporter into an advocate relies on how you make yourself a good investment. It is on you to put your cards on the table and play them right. Spell out the mutual benefits, and not demands.


  • In choosing your target, put efficacy over affinity. Role models are great but they don’t always make effective sponsors. Don’t be put off by leadership styles.
  • Friends don’t make the best sponsors
  • The would-be sponsors ideally two levels above you, with line of sight into your performance and your career.


5. THE 1+2 RULE

You can’t hold one person responsible for you climbing the ladder. She or he might be spread too thin to give the protection you need. She might take a better offer elsewhere or get fired even. She might decide to quit and launch her own firm. In brief, she could be too caught up in her own business.

The solution is to cultivate more than one sponsor. You’re best served by having one or two sponsors outside the firm as well as in it, in the same industry.

The ideal recipe consists of 3 sponsors: 2 within your organization-1 in your line of sight and 1 in a different department or division and 1 outside your firm.

The “2+1 rule” holds true for every career stage. The strategy is to diversify your sponsor portfolio, which means your sponsors should be independent of one another, if one goes down, the others won’t go down with him or her.

The 2 + 1 rule ensures you’ll survive a direct hit to your department, a systemic threat to your division, even a catastrophic blow to your firm or industry. It ensures you’ll survive the loss of a prime sponsor.


  • Increase your internal visibility
    • Lead a network
    • Spearhead a project (a philanthropic project, cultural event or company sports team)
    • Ask for mentorship. Create a circle of mentors from different divisions or departments with whom you might consult on strategic shifts in your industry or career
    • Ask your boss to introduce you to his or her boss
  • Increase your external visibility
    • Join a nonprofit board relevant to your industry
    • Run for office in your professional association
    • Attend conference, figure out how to be a speaker
    • Create a personal board of directors or circle of mentors external to your company to get a bid picture insights
  • Figure the lever of power and work them
    • Timing is everything. Be proactive: as soon as you see the handwriting on the wall, mobilize your external as well as internal champions
    • Change firms if need be.

6. Understand That It’s Not All About You

You’re a blazing talent. You’re on everyone’s shortlist. You’ve got the sponsor and all system goes. But remember a sponsor put his or her reputation on the line when they vouch for you, therefore never fail to reciprocate. It requires you to acknowledge the pact with your sponsors.

It fundementally requires you to:

  • Communicate
    • Recognize when you need help and ask for it before you get in trouble
    • Update whats happening in your career, your wins and losses, triumphs and struggles, so that they can offer guidance or even intervention
  • Signal that you’ll be a contributor
    • Deliver outside your job description
    • Give whats needed without being asked. What is your sponsor working on? Whats near and dear to her heart that you can help make happen? What can you take off her plate? What info do you have that she needs?
  • Make small gesture. Commit random acts of everyday thoughtfulness.


7. Come Through On Two Obvious Fronts

What a protégé must do to win and keep the sponsors in your corner is to come through on two obvious fronts:


  • Delivering outstanding bottomline results
  • Hitting targets and deadlines
  • Displaying an impressive work ethic and availability
  • Exceed expectations
  • Able to recite – make sure your boss can cite – your accomplishments in terms of what your firm values. It may be the scale of projects you’re overseeing. It could be the number of clients you’ve won or retained. But know how they stack up against your peers. Evidence!
  • Get the word out about your success, let others talk about you by letting your peers colleagues know what you did. And also talk positively about your colleague, it’s all about reciprocating each other.


  • Demonstrate trustworthiness and discretion
  • Burnishing your sponsor’s legacy
  • Growing her sponsor’s legacy


8. Lean In and Lead With a Yes


Attitude is everything. Just say yes, hold back on sharing your reservations until you’re in a position to negotiate. Don’t ever lead with an explanation of why you’re not going to be able to step up to the plate. When the opportunity is gleaming on the table, show your eagerness to grab hold of that offer.

Say yes even if you know it’s a qualified NO.

You need to have the ‘go-getterness’, to outshine the other contenders. Though still, be selective about whom you say yes to: you can’t say yes to everybody or you’ll be spread too thin to ace any one assignment. All the while, also propose solutions rather than presenting problems, think through how you can make the opportunity work best for you. Lead with this solution when negotiating next steps.


10. Pitfalls And Trip Wires

Finally you’re home in your dream. You can see your destination, shimmering there on the horizon. You finally got the roadmap that you transport you there.

But the possible hazard that could come along with it are best not overlooked.

Three pitfalls to watch out for:


Getting to know each other well enough to establish trust demands regular one-on-one encounters, typically in person. Though these meetings can be intentionally professional, they can often be misunderstood or misleaded when they are between a senior male and a subordinate female. Because the possible sexual relationship, women perceive sponsorships with senior males are ultimately dangerous games. This also goes a long way in explaining why most men are likely to sponsor other men rather than women.

So the question is: WHAT COULD BE DONE? 

No silver bullet. Let’s acknowledge that sexual tension in the workplace is a problem that is not going to go away ever. There are no easy fixes.

  • It is crucial that you make yourself a safe bet:
    • Don’t have an illicit affair with a superior. If you do it you lose everything, everybody loses. You lose the job you have, the job you deserve. So will legacy and reputation that you’ve built.
    • Another critical pointer. Do not send mixed messages. Flirting is a no-no, sexually loaded jokes are off the table. Be aware of what your clothing, makeup, hair style, body language and communication style convey.
    • Meet your sponsor in public. On site meetings can work well for example coffee in a conference room or in lunch in the cafeteria. Alternatively, choose a restaurant well traffic by office personnel where you can take an opportunity to wave at people you know and make it clear you have nothing to hide. Make sure the venue isn’t the place you ever go on a date. And do not order alcohol. Ideally you want to routinize the time and place of your sponsor meeting because the regularity is what ensures nothing will appear irregular about you getting together with your sponsor one-on-one.
    • Be upfront about the personal or family commitments you have. Talk about your significant others, spouse, partner, fiancé or ongoing relationship. As well as your kids, nieces and nephews.
    • Introduced your spouse or significant other to your sponsor.
    • Be clear about what you want and where you’re going.
    • When the gossip mongers identify you as a leader’s favorite. Prove you earned singling out. Make the most of your opportunities. Come prepared to wow everyone with your contribution, work ethic and devotion to the mission. Make known the kind of work you’re putting in. OWN YOUR SPECIAL STATUS, don’t act as if you don’t deserve the special attention.
    • If you’re in a freefall, the best thing you can do is acknowledge that nothing can be done and leave. Don’t wait till your reputation is in tatters. Act while you still have goodwill to leverage. Before you lost credibility and self esteem.


  • Distrust is a self for filling prophecy. Some people believe that leaders at their company isn’t interested in people of color. This goes along way toward keeping the top of the house homogeneous.
  • The most promising professionals of color can overcome distrust-distrust of white leaders, distrust of minority leaders, and distrust of each other-to win and keep the advocacy they merit.

Here are the some proven tactics:

  • MASTER THE SOCIAL BANTER: establishing a personal connection can matter as much if not more than proving you’re a top performer when you’re trying to attract sponsors across a racial divide. They tend to trust people they know, even over people whose credentials are more stellar. Yet, it’s hard to get to know someone if you’re convinced you have little in common or you’re concerned that sharing your personal life will only serve to stress how different you are. The solution is to be knowledgeable and enthusiastic participant in the small talk that occurs in the conference room or at the water cooler in the five minutes before or after a meeting.
  • PICK UP A SPORT OR JOIN A TEAM: you don’t have to become a golfer, training for a marathon or taking up a yoga class, can all be incredible connection builders. You don’t have to be good, you just need to be willing to learn something and join in.
  • DARE TO ASK FOR HELP: maybe developing trust has to start from the protégé rather than the sponsor. For people of color, it may be about overcoming the fear of being judged for needing help.


  • Appearance
    • Look to up and coming leaders in your org for clues on the unwritten rules for appearance. There is no one executive look, one size doesn’t fit all. To crack the code at your office, take your cues from those in charge.
    • No matter how casual your dress code, look pulled together.
    • Look appropriate in your environment but authentic to yourself. Be true to your personality.
    • Win yourself a seat at the table then dare to stand out
  • Communication
    • Tone it down, remove emotions from the equation and you’re less likely to be shrill.
    • Overprepare: you’ll feel more in control if you’ve spent more than enough time preparing, which will in turn keep your voice in the right register and hold the attention of your audience.
    • Less can be more. You can’t afford to be a wallflower at meetings. But she cations against speaking up just to for the sake of it.
    • Get to the point.
    • Invoke your vertical: sit up straight
    • Polish your small talk: its best not work related, but about sports or current events.
  • Gravitas
    • When you know you’re right, stick to your guns. With any ideas given by you, don’t give up to fast.
    • Show teeth.
    • Assert your integrity.


With all the key takeaways, apply them accordingly and never give up on getting your dream job! If you’re here, you got what it takes to get there!


Be Obsessed or Be Average by Grant Cardone (lessons to take from)

Grant Cardone, the owner of 5 privately held companies with sales of $100 million a year, is one of the ten most influential CEOs in the world, a father of two girls and a contributing member of the society.


As a descendant of Italian immigrants, he was raised in a family of three children that was doing very well, where his dad had started up a little grocery store, then, an insurance company, but drastically the company didn’t pull off. As driven as a human being can be to complete the mission of supporting his family, and let them live happily, his dad never slacked off, started over and got himself a license as a stockbroker. His new career treated him exceptionally well, he successfully got his family in to the middle class.

But…it didn’t last long. Due to a serious heart condition, his father died at the age of forty-two when Grant was ten. With the money left, his mom had to make do with the little amount and stretch it out long and get all five kids into college.

As time went by, this big house had to be put on sale, from that time on, Grant’s teenage years took a dive. Though he was not grateful with what he had, though he wanted to get rich, and to never be worried about affording basic necessities again, he was obsessed with the wrong things. By the time, he graduated, Grant was addicted to drugs. His mom refused to meet him any longer, so he forced himself to go to rehabilitation treatment center. After the 29 days at the facility, while walking out the door exiting the center, he was greeted by his counselor who said to him,

“You’ll never make it. You are a defective person. You have an addictive personality. You have a disease you can never recover from. The most successful thing you can do with your life at this point is never to use drugs again.”

From that moment on, he never got back into drugs. He dedicated on putting 100% into re-bouncing his life to be a successful sales man. His self-esteem was returned and he was again OBSESSED, not with drugs, but with SUCCESS. This obsession with work had gotten to the point that his family was worried about his well being. People were disapproving his drive.

Despite what others say to him, he realized that obsession is gift.

The next time someone starts labelling your obsession an illness, tell them , “I’m not afflicted, I’m gifted.”

To have what you want in life, you must give yourself permission to throw yourself all in on your dreams. Make it clear to others that you are obsessed and that, though you would like their support, any expectations they may have of your staying where you are, settling for less than you  dream, being average will have to take a backseat.

The obsessed embrace that the fact that they and on they- are responsible for their success.

Success is about being great at many things.

You can have it all: health, wealth, family, love, recreation, spirituality, cominty and eime to enjoy it all.

Why settle for one color when you can have the rainbow?

To find your inner obsession freak, ask yourself these questions:

  • Secretly or publicly, have you always wanted to do unbelievable things?
  • Do you dream of doing something that will make the entire world stand up and take notice?
  • Have you considered what it would be like if you became a household name? Or wondered what it would be like to be famous?
  • Would you like your name to be synonymous with a breakthrough that changed the world for the better?
  • Would you love to walk into the crowded room and have everyone know your name?
  • Have you ever imagined what it would be like to fly in a private jet or own your own?

If you did answer yes to most of this, then, you have to read this summary and the book.

You deserve massive success so abundant it cant be disrupted , taken away, diminished, or stolen.

Those who suggest you should settle for less than your potential are doing so because  they are trying to make sense of a decision to settle for less in their own lives.

Prepare yourself: when you commit to this obsessed thing, you will be labeled an outlier, a freak, and a weirdo. Remind yourself you arent the problem. The problem is the we’ve living in.


The average set their goals and devote to just get by, they ignore their ability to thrive for true success.

The average fail to achieve real freedom, and will in time live a life of fear and constant worry.

You are the composite of the five people you spend the most time with. Look around: If the people you see aren’t screaming success, they are validating average.

No matter how much concern or love another person has for you, they don’t have your dreams. Those belong to youand they make you unique.

It makes no difference how much another person love or care for you, they don’t have your dream. Your dreams are yours and they make you unique.

Average people including your friends, family, employees and colleagues-will tell you things like:

  • Slow down
  • Life is to be enjoyed
  • Don’t work too much
  • Don’t work too hard
  • Take it wasy
  • Be grateful-someone else is owrse off than you
  • Life is short
  •  money isnt everthing
  • Bigger is better

Brainwashed by the wisdom of work-life balance, blending in, adapting, and fairness and equality for all, will do whatever they can to come up with reasons why you should give up your dream, and obsession.

Ask them if they can justify their obsession with comfort with being normal, having no purpose or drive?


In every of our waking hour, we are showered with distractions, lies, political agendas, crises, terror and false hopes, which are not only useless for contribution to our goals, but they make people believe that they are powerless in control their own destiny.


  • Scrolling social media for hours, and dazzled by the news with mindless content and negativity. With all these unnecessary distractions splashing on you 24/7, your chance of success is thin.
  • Taking advice from a quitter. Anyone who quit improving themselves, being short of their potential.


  • Break out of the average cycle.
  • Average is a failing formula and it works for no one.
  • Live above the average line.
  • Be all in and obsessed.

People who had proven that obsession works:

” I want to put a dent in the universe”~ Steve Jobs

“I have a dream….” ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~ Gandhi 

” Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” ~ Bill Gates

“I am the greatest.” ~ Muhammad Ali

Obsession was their main drive. They go far beyond any average person in doing what it takes to make their dreams reality. Each of them created a legacy that will live on for centuries.

Their name inspires and will inspire hundreds of million of people to consider what it means to be great.

However, it takes more than desire to be great, it requires sweat, blood, tears, and put yourself on the edge on any chance that you get to.

There is no such thing as part-time obsession. “Sometimes obsessed” or “only obsessed on weekends” or “obsessed between the hours of 8:00 a.m and 5:00 p.m.” is a fantasy. You have to embrace this die-trying mentality.


Purpose is the holy grail of the obsessed. It is the reason for doing anything, the reason for existence. It is the fuel of your obsessions.

As soon as you find your purpose and distinguish the things that are worthy of obsessions, remember that you don’t need to love your job or even do what you are passionate about to get obsessed enough to be sucessful.


Ask yourself these questions and answer them with the first response that comes to you, and slowly you will notice that the same answer keeps coming up. You may find out that you have a dream that you never thought you’d still have it.

Personal Interest

  • What excites me now?
  • What is so exciting to me that I would do anything to accomplish it?
  • What bores me?
  • What is the thing things I have always wanted to do?
  • What don’t I want to do, no matter the payoff?
  • What do I do that causes me to forget to eat?
  • What have I been interested in since childhood?

Money Motivation

  • What am I willing to do for no money?
  • What would I like to do for a lot of money?
  • If money had nothing to do with my life, what would I do with my time?
  • What amount of money would give the security I need?
  • What amount of money would I need to have choice?
  • What amount of money would I need to have financial freedom?
  • What amount of money would I need to really make a difference for the better?

Skills and Talents

  • What can I do better than anyone?
  • What are some of my native skills?
  • What have I always been good at?
  • What have I always been bad at?
  • What skills or talents do I have that I ignore?
  • What am I terrible at and should not be doing at all?
  • What do I do that is a complete waste of my time and talent?
  • In what areas do others think more of my abilities than I do?
  • What are the skills I need to develop?

Market Research

  • What is a product or service that I have complained about repeatedly?
  • What great idea have I had for starting a company or inventing something that I havent followed through on?


  • What do I want to be remembered for?
  • What contributions can I make to society that I would be most proud of?
  • What do I want to make sure people never say about me?

Inspiring People

  • Who are five successful people I admire?
  • What are those people doing that I admire?
  • What do those I admire have in common with one another?
  • What quality do I wish I shared with those people?
  • What do I have in common with that list of people?
  • If I could meet anyone, who would it be?
  • Who is the most people supportive people in my life?


  • What makes me feel good?
  • What gives me energy?
  • What activity bores me and doesn’t make me feel good?
  • What things am I doing that I regret later?
  • What bad habits do I need to stop?
  • What good habits do I need to start?
  • What do I need to do more of that would make me feel better about myself?

What if….

  • If I were going to write a book, what would it be about? What inspiration lessons would I draw from my life?
  • If I knew I couldn’t fail, what would I do?
  • If I could be known for one great thing, what would I want it to be?

You fill find out what makes your life complete. Stop your denial and self-belittle that are pulling you back from going forward. Allow yourself to get obsessed.

Feed the beast

What you pay attention to is what you get. The more attention you give to something, the more you feed it.

It is crucial you pay attention to the things and people who fuel and support your obsessions, and steer away from the things and people who don’t.

Don’t write your goals on a post it note and look at them once a while. Eat, sleep and breathe your goal.

Always stay focused on your goals, never lose yourself in the noise of your mind or whatever that’s happening in the world.

Wake up and go to sleep with your goal.

Starve the doubt

Doubt is your biggest threat and therefore, your biggest enemy.

As cliché as it sounds, nothing is impossible. You need to master your obsession into an energized momentum for the success you desire. Fill your obsession with the highest-octane stuff you can get your hands on.

I will judge myself less for coming up short than never going for it.

that is like the dreamkiller people are so filled with doubt They are unable to believe in themselves enough to become Obsessed with their own success Instead they let their fear Lead the way

Do not let fear lead your way, as it is the most dangerous form of terrorism on this planet.

If you are the most successful person in the room you are in the wrong room.

Haters and naysayers

If you expect yourself to be successful, then expect to encounter those who are going to be critical envious and worse, those who drive doubt.

The world is filled with people who have given up on their dreams and now spent their lives trying to get others to give up on theirs.

However, there is little to be concerned if critics are just people who envy you, but unfortunately they also include people who love and care for you. But do not forget that naysayers are protecting themselves from being pointed out that they gave in into living average lives. You doing something big will challenge their ego, and confidence.

They would not hesitate to overwhelm you with doubt and confusion to your already challenging goals, and it will your journey more struggling.

While the haters are hating. The obsessed are creating.

Steer clear of the doubters and stay on track. 

Massive success is the ultimate revenge to haters.

Dominate to win

Learn to control your thinking your actions and your choices it’s a bad idea to ignore your inventions your energy and your obsessions even worse to let them take your own their own course through domination intro up session starts with dominating yourself not others

Start by dominating yourself, not others, control your thoughts, your actions and your choices.

Avoiding feeling confused and overwhelmed with too many choices.

Set rules, limit, break down and analyze each area of your life so that you can fully dominate those that most matter to you. Turn them to vital fuel for your obsessions.

Stay Dangerous

Fear is an indication of what you should do, not what you shouldn’t do.

Do you obsessed life is about constantly moving in the direction of your fears and possibilities be up SAST with danger and discomfort commit yourself to this feeling of discomfort to see how committed you are to your success assess how dangerous you are the six exercise

Commit yourself to the feeling of discomfort to see how commited you are to your success.

Be a control freak

The only people do don’t like control are those who don’t have control or who misused it in the past.

A successful person is willing to overlook the authority to do the right thing and is more dangerous than the bad guys.

Control vs. Deadership

When it comes to leadership style, it doesn’t matter. What you want is control. What’s important is that things don’t go wrong.

Don’t care about the label, care about whether you have the power to determine, predict and influence results.

All true leaders are willing to take control. It takes guts to stand up and exert control over their environments, their people and their futures.

If you want to break out of the average, ASSUME CONTROL.

People who gave up on control have given control a bad name, and left it to be criticized.

The people who complain about control are the same people who refuse to exert control over their environment and then resent their environment.

Everyday you and I are given an opportunity to control our own environment.

So many shy away from taking charge, they prefer to sit in the backseat and tell you that you missed the turn when it’s too late.

Don’t wait for someone to give you control.

You don’t have to be given responsibility or promoted to a leadership position to exert control.

If you see an obvious problem and you’ve got a solution, its your responsibility to exert control, to step up and lead. Declare: “I got this”. As the old saying goes, its easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Believing in everything you do, and you don’t, get trained until you have complete confidence and competence in whatever you do.


One of the great ingredients for success is persistence.

Here are some examples of people who persisted longer than anyone thought reasonable:

  • Walt Disney was turned down for financing 302 times. His first animation went bankrupt
  • Stephen king’s first book Carrie was rejected thirty times. He even threw the manuscript in the trash
  • Oprah winfrey was told she unfit for television
  • Fred Astaire was told during his first screen test, “cant act. Can’t sing. Slight bald”
  • Lady Gaga’s first record deal was dropped after just one month
  • How Schultz’s employer had no interest in his coffee idea and sold him the branch name “Starbucks”
  • Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school three times
  • Bill gates dropped out of Harvard and his fist company went no where
  • Henry ford’s first two car companies failed and left him broke
  • Mark Cuban failed as a carpenter, a waiter and a cook.

You don’t need to be comforted when things don’t turn out right. Sympathy is not what you need. Comfort doesn’t pay the bills. Because, as I’ve emphasized in other chapters, you are at your best when you’re outside your comfort zone, pushing yourself and pushing limits to make the impossible possible.

The super successful don’t just overcome their failures-they use them as fuel to persist.

The difference between success and failure is staying in the game when others are giving up.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all–in which case you fail by default. ~ J.K. Rowling

Here are some ways to exercise your persistence muscle:

  • Complete every task, finish everything you start, and stop walking away from unfinished projects in your professional and personal life.
  • When you hit the wall, don’t focus on the obstacle. Look for creative ways to take another run at it.
  • Expect others to quit; while persistence begins and ends with you, be prepared for people around you quit and try to persuade you to do the same.
  • Use yesterday’s successes as fuel for persisting today. But don’t get stuck in them. Instead, stay interested in the next success and the one after that.
  • Stay busy generating interest or income or learning something–doing things that help you keep going– because a rolling stone gathers no moss.
  • Never settle, never be satisfied with your triumphs, and instead use them as fuel to move you further toward your full potential.

When all the average people would never continue, put one foot infront of the other and refuse to back down, knowing that when you quit, you will have to start over again. Those who are truly obsessed are willing to persist when it no longer makes sense.

Get it done, then get it right

Perfectionism is just a fancy word for not getting started.

Persist and one day you will perfect.

When clarifying what you should be obsessed with, the following should be true:

  1. It improves the outcome of your life and others’ life
  2. It moves you to reveal more of your potential

Some other great questions to ask:

  • Who am I doing this for
  • How many will benefit from this
  • Whats going to keep me fueled to do more?
  • What if anything were possible?
  • When I accomplish this, what is next
  • What am I doing that is not purpose driven?
  • What else am I capable of doing that I havent done
  • What have I always wanted to do that I have forgotten about
  • Are those around me on the same page?
  • Who is encouraging me to live a life of purpose?
  • Who is a good role model for what I am attempting?
  • Who around me is not living a life of purpose?
  • What can I do to help other achieve their purposes?

Don’t become complacent with our victories and keep our attention on our possibilities.

Obsession hacks

  • Reach up for new friends: whatever you have to do to make new friends and new connections, just make sure you are reaching up-not sideways and not down. Don’t just be friends with ta banker in your town-make sure you know the most successful banker in your town, and the most successful lawyer, the most successful insurance guy, the most successful businessperson, the politically connected. And then keep reaching up.
  • Leave your home and join new clubs. Get involved with charities and give to them at levels that make other take notice. And attend events where power collects.
  • Even vacations are an opportunities to grow yourself, your business, and your network. You need to be places where other obsessed people gather.
  • Mentor up: work with a coach or someone who can take you to another level. It cant hurt to have someone else pulling for you and rooting for you and yes, even pushing you. My mentors and coaches have been invaluable to me.
  • Shop outside your reach: allowing your mind to be blown and fuel your obsession
  • Invest in education
  • Paying attention to physical health
  • Be charitable: it isnt always about giving money, it also means giving your time, energy, intelligence and inspiration. Look for problems on this planet you help with and go help.

Now that you got all the ingredients to fuel and shield your obsessions from distorted and unjustified views of others, IT’S TIME to step up your obsession game! AVERAGE IS NOT OPTION!